March 9, 2020
Sometimes HE wants us to just be still and KNOW, really know that HE has us. To give Him the chance to show us that “He’s got this”. This journey began for Craig and I back in November, with a “call back” on my mammogram. That wasn’t too alarming, many have those, I had never been called back - it was my turn…. through the processes of rechecks, biopsies ect it was determined that I had ductal invasive carcinoma and a calcium cluster. This took most of November and into December. Met with my general surgeon in January and Plastic surgeon in February, had Surgery February 14. Still awaiting test on the removed tissue to come back on recurrence percentage, to tell if chemo is needed. As of now it’s just surgery and medication, no radiation or chemo, unless the test comes back with a high recurrence percentage. Many say how it took so long to find everything out, but even in that, He knew, it gave me time to process each piece. The waiting in November was long, but my Jesus Calling devotions led me to scripture that held my eyes on Him and how my right hand was right there in His righteous right hand. My Isaiah verses came up over and over! Over and over it reminded me of this.
This one was given to us on surgery day…
It was like the tests and results trickled in at the rate we needed, to process it and not fear. It was small, early stages and seemed it hadn’t spread. That was the best we could hope for. God gave us just what we needed when we needed it. There was a day in November when I was backing out of our garage. My car radio system picked up Spotify from my phone’s Bluetooth. Usually I have to manually connect this in my car, but today it just started playing. It played something I had never heard before. The Amaryllis Story by Christy Nockles (Incase link doesn’t work https://youtu.be/-3LdXjzm_dw). Stop and listen to it.
He would help me to “Bloom in the dead of winter”. No matter what all this brought, He would see me through it and He would grow me in it. I wasn’t feeling as though I would die, it wasn’t that stage or severity. But it was something I would have to walk through. I could not have asked for a more understanding husband to go through this with. Along with Christ, Craig has been my rock. This has grown us so close, in a whole new way. He gave me the freedom to work through it how I needed to, he has been so loving, attentive and patient, while processing things for himself as well. And being there every time I needed him to be. His devotion and patience spoke volumes to my heart. Our girls... have been amazing. There for us the whole way. They put the word out about the Amaryllis Story to a few and those bulbs have been making their way to me over the last few months, each planted in a different beautiful pot. One by one they are growing in their own time and blooming before me through this Winter, into early Spring.
I was sitting here this morning looking at the 2 blooming in my window and my magnolia tree outside, with it’s catkins fuzzed out, waiting for Spring. Watching the seasons of that tree are another story… I sat here wondering what God has shown me or grown in me through this time? I read this familiar set of verses this morning, with a fresh perspective. “But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with it’s passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.”
He has definitely grown my trust in Him, “you got this” is a popular saying that I heard a lot, and I do “got” this, but not without Christ going ahead of me months, days and hours ago, beside me, leading me, holding me. Not without Craig, not without our kids (son-in-laws too) supporting us along the way. Not without our families, friends and church family supporting all of us and praying and encouraging us. There are some who we’ve never met, but they know our kids, and they have gone down this path, complete strangers to Craig and I. They have added me to their prayer lists, their church’s prayer lists, sent cards and gifts. The text message, hug, card, meal, visit... at just the right time, so many times.
These acts of love made these verses (Gal 5:22-25) really speak to me today. With all the hubbub going about with politics, virus outbreak, ect. He has just really put me in a place of peace, kind of removed -in my cozy home resting and healing, shielded in a way from it all. I’m able to just savor the good that He has in this world. I have experienced so many of these fruits from others. Love immeasurable, overflowing, words don’t do it justice. Joy in volunteer impatiens blooming in my window, in so many little ways, beautiful banners and handwritten cards from our 3 grands, it really is the little things that bring joy. Peace of heart knowing He is in control and He is enough and will provide enough for our needs. Longsuffering, it has been very bearable, hopefully me going through this will help me to empathize with others that face this or something similar. Kindness, I've received so much, throughout my lifetime I’ve received so much kindness. The world needs kindness, we need to show kindness in all we say and do. I have been looking at the world going about outside my windows, all up in arms, upset about so much that in “the big picture” is so minute and yet, some of it is important in this life. Kindness goes a long ways to solve so many of the world’s troubles. I really want to try to share these fruits… goodness, God is good, so so good, He has shared enough. If we share our goodness to others, it will be enough - it’s our job, the church’s job; your’s, mine, everyone's, church's job, to show pure religion (James 1:27). Faithfulness, gentleness, ...Craig in so many ways to me. So many others have been faithful in praying and supporting us, they have been gentle with our time availability or lack thereof, and given us space to process and make our way through, yet been there for us in such a gentle way. Self-control plays into those last two as well, and us to crucifying our flesh, so we can serve Him better. It’s not about us. We haven’t been able to do life as we usually do life. But that has been ok, it has given us time to refocus a bit. And that’s always good too, to take time to savor what is really important. Part of me doesn’t want to go back into normal life, but that is where He has us, I’m just glad it is an “us” thing, I love doing life with Christ and Craig. And that is where that last part comes in, If we are of the Spirit, let’s walk in it. If we are Christ’s let’s exude these fruits to those around us. As far as I can tell - Christ didn’t convert sinners before He helped them. He helped them. Then if they followed Him they did, but he helped them first.
For years my motto was Grow where you are planted, Bloom where you grow. I’ve added on to that now. How will I Bloom where I’m growing? My Amaryllis prayer is that I can bloom with this Fruit of the Spirit in the Fall of my life and beyond.
