new part of our journey

Our journey as parents turned a corner on June 18th and grew another path... grand-parenting. I had thought some of how it would be... my baby having a baby... but when it came down to it I was equally relieved that they were both ok... Leah and baby.  It was a bit before they brought Paisley into the room for us to see, but that was ok - I was glad to see Leah and know that she was alright.  Then we got to see and hold Paisley Jenae.  (Jenae is Leah's middle name - I'm glad she likes it that well, to give it to her daughter too :)  ) 

We waited and waited until finally Devon came and said we could come back and see them

Words can't express.... thank you Lord...

Paisley Jenae Knobloch   9lbs 1 oz 21" 7:45 AM 6/18/12

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What it means to me "to be held"

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I thought I had posted this... I wrote this up this past year while doing our small group Bible Study of John.  It was speaking of  loss and how we deal with it.  It asked group members to speak of a time of loss in their life.  My brother was taken from this life in a motorcycle accident.  I many ways it changed and shaped my life from then on.  One of those things you don't see coming, have no choice of whether to go through it or not, but We know that God uses all things for good and for His glory and we rest in that truth.   

I have linked the title if you want to listen to the song...

     Held  by Natalie Grant                                                 

    My correlation to my experience of my brother's death

Two months is too little, they let him go 
 47 is too young to let go to a quick decision,
by another, to go ahead and go...   (Oct. 2006)
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother, while she prays,  
to take a son, brother,
 father, and grandfather,  
in the prime of time when he was getting on  his feet  is appalling                                                       
                                                                                                            
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and                                                     
Why should we be saved from nightmares  
Why to we think we are to be spared of heart ache and tragedy.   
Why do we not look for and see God's 
plan is so bigger and better than ours.  His uses bad 
things and brings Glory and salvation.
                
We're asking why this happens to us                           
                                                                                          
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held 
I was held by so many, God, Craig, my girls, my 
 Peoria church family.   The hole was large
  and seemed to only grow with dysfunction.  
                                 
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life                   
And you survive                                                                       
                                                                                                             
This is what it is to be loved and to know                
That the promise was, when everything fell,                    
We'd be held       
It was a quiet time and a gentle time with God 
and my hand was closed from fear for a season.   
Afraid of what else God would take or require of
 me.  But thru time God showed me how He held 
and provided for me to grow to see how He was
 there and in control and helping me through the
 darkest time I had  experienced.                                                     
                                                                                         
This hand is bitterness                                                      
We want to taste it and                                                    
Let the hatred numb our sorrows                                     
The wise hand opens slowly                                   
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow 
Gradually I was able to open my fingers 
again and feel that I did trust God to take me
 through whatever rivers He brought me to. IS 43

This is what it means to be held                                    
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life   used Isaiah to speak and comfort me
And you survive 
Then the ministry opportunity came along and 
God through that Is 41 & 43 were huge,  so many 
promises to Israel and, I feel, to believers who really 
 place their lives in His "righteous right hand" .
                                                                                       
This is what it is to be loved and to know                  
That the promise was, when everything fell,
We'd be held    
I am still held, continually healing from this, and                                                                    
other, woundings of life. But I am so blessed to have
 experienced this suffering, and the experience of
 "when everything falls" He really does Hold me!    
                                                                                      
If hope if born of suffering                                                      
If this is only the beginning                                    
Can we not wait for one hour                                   
Watching for our Savior 
He provides others to Hold me as well.  Can I not                                                   
be willing to suffer, that I can learn from the  
 suffering, so that I can then be there to hold others
when they come into suffering times of their lives.
                                                                                       
This is what it means to be held                                   
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive                                                                       
I survived to serve.
 
This is what it is to be loved and to know                
That the promise was, when everything fell,            
We'd be held                                                                       

That is what it is to be loved (allowed to suffer)

that I might experience the promises and believe,

so that I can serve, be held, and hold.

I knew I was healing when I could physically and then heart felt (but also, not without human trepidation) sing this hymn.

I place myself in Jesus hands and there abide forever, no grief nor joys can  loose the bands... and let Him do with me His will, what He will do will please me....  I cleave to Him with strong faith still and hope (know) that He will bless me...He will not break the Word He spake, so confidence in Him I'll take, and praise Him forever more.  Zion's Harp 177

Came across this and thought it was note worthy... it was in one of my notebooks so I'm not sure of the source.  (Perhaps out of the  Before you Meet Prince Charming book. )  I definitely did not have all these qualities before I was married.  But, as I look back at my struggles in married life years, I can pin those times to 'a lack of' or weakness in one of these areas...  If you are wondering what to do this summer, here is a list!! Take your pick! :) I still have work to do!

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Checklist to being a Suitable Bride

of Christ and/or man

Do I have: Eternal life - Personal relationship with Christ

                  A Clear conscience?

Am I about God's business?  - Have I diligently sought out what God's wants me to work on?  Have I

                  diligently worked at completing the tasks God has given me?

Do I have a good relationship with Parents and Siblings?   - Have you done all you can do to rectify

                  difficult family relationships? Have you forgiven them and yourself, can you pray for them

                  and say that you love them? Baggage does not leave with marriage; it transfers and recreates

                  itself.

Have I learned to be a servant, by seeing and meeting the needs of others before my own?

Have I learned to overcome anger?

Is there anyone I cannot forgive?

Am I able to take advice and seek advice from older Godly brothers and sisters? Have I sought them

                  out and visited with them?

Do I read my Bible daily?

Do I find myself often in prayer, consulting and enjoying intimate conversation with Him?

Have I been diligent to identify and develop the skills, ministry, service to others and interests God

                  has given me?

Have I learned basic life skills; educational and practical that will be needed to live independently

                  from my parents, whether that be married or single.  Are you able to take care of a home;

                  financially (tracking finances, budgeting, ect.), maintenance wise ( starting mower, basic

                  electrical knowledge, car care), keeping a house (cleaning needs, laundry, cooking)... ect

Am I ready to be a parent?  work with children to learn about them, know their needs (physical,

                  emotional, spiritual, how to teach them discipline & self-discipline). whether it is your kids or nieces

                  and nephews - invaluable knowledge to have.

Have I learned to be a giver, not a taker, in real relationships. To be an active listener, not always a speaker/fixer.